


Legally Gay

by orphan_account



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Legally Blonde - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Legally Blonde Fusion, F/F, F/M, Gay Marvin (Falsettos), Harvard University, M/M, Sassy Whizzer Brown
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:33:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23191693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Legally blonde but its falsettos and gay.
Relationships: Dr. Charlotte/Cordelia (Falsettos), Trina/Mendel Weisenbachfeld, Whizzer Brown/Marvin, Whizzer Brown/Mendel Weisenbachfeld
Comments: 84
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this kinda sucks but COMMENT IF YOU LIKE IT OMG PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW IF PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SO I CAN CONTINUE PLEASE.

Whizzer stood there, in the bright florescent lights of the department store. It was for a Very important occasion and the stress of the matter was beginning to take its toll. He was sure his boyfriend would propose! They had been together since high school, they were the campus catch. This engagement had to be perfect. In his hands he held two pink silk dress shirts, one the right he held one with ruffles and beads with lovely lace hems, and on the left was a more sheer top with a lower cut and maybe twice as many beads. The shirts felt as if they weighed tons. Whether or not its weight was from the bedazzled collars or the sheer stress of his decision, is truly unknown.

“This dress needs to seal the deal. But it cant scream bride.” Whizzer wiped his brow. This was sure to be the hardest decision of his life, he was certain. 

“I don’t wanna look desperate…” Whizzer examined one shirt before peering at the other. 

“I have to imply bride, not scream it.” Whizzer muttered exasperatedly, he placed the two back on the rack, determined to find the perfect one.

\---‐----------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile his fellow Delta Nu's had certainly lost it. They had prepared candles, a huge card, and a ceremony to complete it. They were all excited for Whizzers assumed big day. There was just one tiny issue, they had no silver of a clue where Whizzer was. There they sat on the large spiraling stairs ready to serenade him but he wasn’t even there. They had even brought Whizzers Chihuahua, bruiser.

The dog in question yapped loudly with great forte, Margo a devout Delta Nu gasped.

“Guys listen!” she yelled squatting next to the dog, ready to hear its message. Bruiser barked in response to their silence.

“He’s trapped in the old valley mill?!” Margo yelled, the group gasped in horror.

Bruiser barked once more, almost in annoyance.

“Oh! The old valley mall, that makes more sense.” Margo said, the group sighed in relief before realizing what this meant. 

And with that they went dashing to the mall, adrenaline making their hearts pump wildly. And their spirits as high as ever.


	2. Oh My God, Oh My God You Guys!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of chapter 1 because people are actually reading this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oml hey okay so comment what you think I'm still testing this so if you like it comment!

The herd of Delta Nu's rushed into the department store, all eyes quickly landing on Whizzer who stood at the clothing rack, a puzzled look painted on his features. 

“There he is!” one girl all but yelled.

The group quickly made their way over to Whizzer, embracing him and squealing with delight  
.   
“Oh my god, oh my god you guys! I’m so nervous! All this weak I have had serious butterflies! I’m telling you, every time he looks at me, Its totally proposal eyes, I swear!” he practically squealed in excitement, causing a whole chorus of squeals and laughter to join his.

“You have to help me choose an outfit! And no, I will not be wearing anything that’s on sale. That’s finale.” Whizzer stated, no matter the cost the perfect outfit was the perfect outfit in Whizzers mind. 

“Of course not! Don’t be SILLY! Love is like forever, who cares about the price or the economy! This is your engagement!” Serena yelled, she was yet again devout to their sorority as well, and thankfully whole heartedly accepted Whizzers sexuality.

The group quickly began working, grabbing garments off the rack and seeing which one looked best. They compared collars, hems, color, cuffs, fabrics, pretty much everything they could. The hunt for the perfect outfit, was on.

From the other side of the store stood a sales woman, Caroline. She had been watching the group for hot second, waiting for the right time to approach. Her plan was to hopefully sell a dress shirt, which was rather out of style. The garment wasn’t horrendous, but it didn’t exactly scream engagement, or even imply bride.

“Gay boys make commissions so easy.” She muttered the rude comment as she approached, carrying said garment with her.

“Excuse me!” she said in an almost mock cheery tone. “have you seen this?” Caroline presented the garment with as much gusto as she could muster up, “it’s perfect for, your type of people".

Whizzer’s smile never even faltered. “Right! With a half loop stitch on china silk?”

Caroline nodded, a wide fake smile strewn across her face. “uh-huh!" She added cheerfully.

Whizzer smirked, a look of fake pity adorned his features, “oh, but the thing is you cant use a half loop stitch on china silk, it’ll pucker.” He said, matter of fact.

“And,” Whizzer continued, “you didn’t just get this in, because I saw it in last May’s vogue.” Whizzer smirked, looking at the awe struck look on Caroline’s face.

“Oh my god! You guys! Whizzer saw right through that sales girls lies.” Pilar whisper yelled. The group was amazed and amused as they watched the standoff.

“I am not about to buy last years styles, at this years price. I’m not crazy. It may be perfect for a feminine boy, but I’m not that feminine.” Whizzer said, placing his hands on his hips.

“I might be in love, but god I’m not stupid.” He said rolling his eyes.

Just then what seemed to be the store manager approached, looking frantic. She smoothed down her blazer, staring pointedly at Caroline before turning her attention to Whizzer.

“My god, Whizzer Brown! I’m so sorry, my mistake!” she said, practically begging. 

“Caroline, take tour break!” she yelled, her thumb directing to a staff only door. Caroline hurried out the door, shame faced.

“Please ignore her, she hasn’t been well! How about you try these ones!” She handed Whizzer a nearby garment off of the rack. The shirt was beautiful, a white silk shirt with pink accents and cufflinks paired with silky black slacks.

“Try it on!” the Manager exclaimed.

Margo and Serena quickly whisked him into the dressing room. The excited whispers of the Delta Nu's floated through the room, the Manager beamed with pride.

Soon enough Whizzer stepped out, it fit him perfectly, extenuating every curve and edge, it practically looked tailored to fit him.

“Oh my god! Its perfect! And it’s my size! Dreams do come true, this engagement will be perfect!” Whizzer cheered, embracing his friends as they clapped. The day was messy but it worked! And the perfect outfit had been secured. 

“Too bad you never got to see our performance! We had gotten ready to serenade you and everything!” Kate laughed, it was truly a shame that their choreographed dance would maybe never see the light of day. 

“Maybe for another time?” Whizzer asked. The girls all seemed to agree and nodded. 

“Thanks so much! I love you guys!” Whizzer said happily.

A chorus of ‘aww's’ and ‘No we love you!’ rang out. 

“Now let’s go home before someone cries!” Whizzer joked, the group laughed and made their way to the register’s.

Before they could get too far the manager stopped them. “Don’t worry about paying, It’s a gift from me to you, Whizzer Brown.”

Whizzer hugged the manager and thanked her relentlessly before exiting with his Sorority.

This engagement would be just perfect.

Or so they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yeah that happened I saw 2 comments this morning and I got over excited so I pumped out a new chapter. Btw I'm not saying who's Whizzers bf bc I hate writing it I think I'm changing it bc Its nast-e but it works with plot so :p barf. Tell me what you think, again this is still a test.


	3. Seriously Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA goodness. I didnt edit this one, and it sucks so deal with it also I'm going to throw up, I hate mendel/whizzer 🤮🤮🤮🤮

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deal with this.

After hours of preparation Whizzer finally walked into the dimly lit restaurant, it was a beautiful place. White lacey table cloths with candles in the center, waiters and waitresses dressed to a T. To Whizzer it was a spectacular place to get engaged, even though he did feel it was a little tacky. 

Scanning the restaurant Whizzer soon spotted his soon to be fiancé, Mendel. Whizzer hurried over before slowing his excited pace to a calmer one, as to not ruin the moment. As Whizzer approached, Mendel rose from his chair greeting him with a kiss on his cheek and pulling the chair out for him. Mendel had already ordered a lovely bottle of wine for the two of them.

  
Whizzer was giddy, he had been waiting for this moment fro weeks! The light illuminated Mendel’s features beautifully, the soft yellow glow casting soft shadows on Mendel’s face.

  
Mendel cleared his throat, “We both know why were here, I think.” 

  
Whizzer nodded his head quickly, soaking up every last word.

  
“You look lovely tonight, Whizzer.” Mendel said, staring him directly in the eyes.

  
Whizzer smiled, blushing slightly at the compliment.

  
“I wanted to talk to you about some plans for our futures.” Mendel continued, he held out his hand for Whizzer to grab. 

  
Whizzer hurriedly checked either hand, going with his right before swapping it out for his left. It had to be perfect.

  
Mendel caressed Whizzers pale knuckles, gently squeezing his hands.

  
“I have been thinking, and it’s time for this to get serious. It’s time to get serious with you.” Mendel elaborated.

  
Whizzer nodded sharply, a serious look overcoming his features. “You know, I never thought that I-".

  
Mendel cut him off quickly “Oh I’m not finished”.

  
“Sorry!” Whizzer responded bashfully.

  
“My whole life has been planned out perfectly, I’d go get a law degree and finally win my Senate seat. And don’t forget three kids, like the Kennedy’s.” Mendel stated, laughing a tad at the end.

  
“Our lives are just beginning, just where do you fit in?” Mendel said earnestly.

  
“Fit me in!” Whizzer asked desperately.

  
Mendel pondered quietly, “I know you’d understand. I have to get serious!”

  
Whizzer hung on every last word he spoke “Serious, yes! Serious!”.

  
Mendel sucked in a breath, “Which is why I think,” he paused, “We should break up.” He said quickly.

  
Whizzer evidently didn’t register the response and stared blankly before realizing what he actually said, "What!? I thought, I thought you were proposing?”

  
The restaurant patrons looked up from their meals at the couple in surprise.

  
Mendel sighed, letting go of Whizzers hands “Whizz, if I’m gonna be a senator when I’m thirty, I’m gonna need someone serious. You know, less of a Marilyn more of a Jackie!” Mendel said brightly.

  
Whizzers jaw dropped.

  
“Somebody classy, and not…tacky?” Mendel said, trying and failing to soften the blow.

  
“WHAT?!” Whizzer yelled, obviously offended by the comment.

  
“That came out wrong.” Mendel said quietly.

  
Whizzer choked out a sob.

  
“Please be strong?” Mendel pleaded.

  
Whizzer stood up from his seat, tears streaming down his face, ruining his makeup. “What, what does that mean, that I’m not a Jackie? I’m not… serious?”

  
Whizzer took a step back, wiping his tears on his hands. “I, I’m seriously in love with you.”

  
Mendel stood up, “Listen please? My futures all planned… I thought you’d understand. I have to get serious.” 

  
Whizzer stared before turning and leaving, running out the doors and into the bustling streets of Malibu.

  
“Could, I get the check? ...Please?” Mendel asked raising his hand to signal a waiter. Whizzer will get over it. Mendel was certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yeah that's wat you get it sucks I know.


	4. HE'S EATING MILKY WAYS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey this is late

Over a week ago Whizzer had been rejected by the love of his life. What was supposed to be a romantic beautiful display of affection and loyalty, turned into a tragic ending to a sweet romance. And now, Whizzer's fellow Delta Nu's were left to face the aftermath of it all. 

What they didnt know was this entailed a slightly over dramatic Whizzer.

Serena hopefully raised her fist to Whizzers locked door, knocking tentatively. 

"Sweetheart, its been twelve days!" Serena begged. 

This wasn't their first attempt, for the past week and a half, they knocked on Whizzers door relentlessly. Each time giving them no results.

Just as Serena was about to attempt a knock again, Margot gasped "He's eating Milky ways!" Margot held up the offending wrapper that was left discarded by the door. 

Pilar hid her face in her hands, "Tell me those are fun-sized!" She groaned.

The girls groaned, some of them beginning to bicker. Whizzers obvious bad mood was affecting everyone.

Speak of the devil, Whizzer in all his sad glory stepped out. "Girls! Must we descend into madness?" 

The bickering was quickly cut short as they all turned to look at Whizzer.

"Oh honey! It's good to see you... We brought you your favourite magazines! We've got _Town and Country_ and your favourite _Elle_ magazine." Pilar said, holding out the magazines, as enticingly as she could.

Whizzer lifelessly flicked through _Town and Country_ "Thanks Pilar, buts it's gonna take more than _Elle_ and Town _and Country_ to get me out of my shame spiral." Whizzer said sorrowfully.

"Well then sweetie, your just gonna hafta' hold on 'cause the new _Vogue's_ not out till next week." Margot jokingly reminded.

The group sat in a nice silence, looking over Whizzers shoulder at pictures or quietly talking to one another.

The silence was broken by Whizzer screaming bloody murder.

"What? Dont tell me Ponchos are back in?" Serena asked.

Whizzer looked at the magazine in pure disgust and horror. 

"No... it's worse. Mendel's brother, Peyton Weisenbachfield the fourth and his bride! Pictures from his wedding! LOOK!" Whizzer held up the magazine with sheer disgust.

The group collectively cringed at the cheesy photo's.

"Muffy Vanderbilt? Really?" Serena said exasperatedly.

Suddenly it all clicked in Whizzers mind, "Wait a sec, that's the kinda person Mendel wants! Someone serious!" 

Whizzer handed the magazines to Margot, "Someone Lawyerly! Someone who wears black when nobody's dead!" 

Whizzer turned to his fellow Delta Nu's, "Girls! I have a _completely brilliant_ plan!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay hi, I'm still not over the Whizzer/mendel. someone mentioned that's it's the true NO-TP. I AGREE ITS SO GROSS. I actually kinda liked writing this.  
> Tumblr: westanamusicalsister


	5. Whatcha want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha want you wanna be out but your quarentined?  
> Whatcha want you wanna stop writing fics so rapidly?  
> Whatcha want you gotta hold on!  
> HOLD ON.
> 
> I call this one a family member has to get checked for Corona today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired.

An idea was forming in Whizzers head, he knew exactly how he was going to win Mendel back.

"What Mendel wants is me, he just needs to see me in brand new domain!" Whizzer shouted, he turned around and burst into his room, his fellow Delta Nu's trailed behind him.

Whizzer walked over to his mirror, peering at his depressing face. "Were gonna show Mendel that he's gonna be getting all this, _plus_ a brain!" Whizzer began mercilessly combing through his messy hair.

"I'll meet him at Harvard with a book in my hand!" Whizzer joked, "Big sturdy book! Big wordy book! Full of words I understand." Whizzer cheered, and instantly he and his fellow Delta Nu's got to work.

They pulled out shirts, pants, skirts, and dresses, determined to find the perfect one.

"So step one! Hes off to Harvard Law. So I get in there too!" Whizzer said, pulling on a pink polo shirt.

"Step two, impress Mendel with my _high_ I.Q!" Whizzer pulled on a pair of simple blue Jean's, as Margo brought him a pair white boat shoes.

"Step three! We'll throw a wedding!" Whizzer cried.

"And invite all Delta Nu!" Serena reminded. 

The group laughed and cheered in celebration of their new found hope. 

Kate, the Delta Nu's scholastic chair, quickly interrupted their cheers "That's great! Nice plan. Now can we thing this through?"

"Harvard Law school?" Kate sat down patting the spot on the bed for Whizzer.

Whizzer sat down "I have a 4.0 average?" He pointed out. The other Delta Nu's nodded along rapidly.

"Yeah. In fashion merchandising. What makes you think you can do this?" Kate asked, cupping whizzers hands in her's.

"Love!" Whizzer stood up, pulling his hands away "I'm doing this for love! Harvard cant refuse a love so pure and true!" Whizzer clasped his hands together dramatically "dont lawyers feel love too?" Whizzer attempted his best puppy eyes.

Kate stood up, rolling her eyes "Even if they do, what you want Sweetheart, is no easy thing. You need an L-SAT score, of more than one seventy four. So no more parties for you!"

Kate lead Whizzer over to his desk, "You'll need a killer essay, and glowing letters from your betters! -Do you know the pope?" Kate excitedly asked.

"Nope!" Whizzer replied quickly.

"Too bad, that would be a coup. And you gotta a-lotta' work in front of you!" Kate began pulling text books out of her bag, stacking them on her desk.

**Here goes nothing.**

Convincing Whizzers parents would be a hard feat, but one Whizzer was willing to attempt. If they were supportive of his sexuality, then surely they would be supportive of this.

"Law school?" Whizzer's dad asked, flabbergasted.

"Yes dad! Law school." Whizzer beamed.

Whizzer's dad put down his golf club. "Good god why? Law school is for boring, ugly, serious people! And you boy, are none of those things." 

Whizzer pouted.

"What you want, just say the word! But this is absurd! And costs a whole lot of sawg. And hell why? When you can stay right here, pursue a film career!" Whizzer's dad lamented.

"How about a nice Gucci bag?" Whizzer's mom pleaded.

"YES!" Whizzer's dad cried "The east cost is FOREIGN! Theres no film studios, it's cold and dark, no valet parking! All the girls have different noses! Christ! It's like the damn frontier!" 

"What's out there that you cant get right here?" Whizzer's mom asked.

"Love! I'm going there for love! I can live without sun or valet! I cant just walk away!" Whisser begged.

"Fine okay, I'll pay for it if you get in!" Whizzer's dad accepted defeat.

Whizzer cheered and hugged his parents in delight.

"Hey everyone it's the spring fling beer bash extreme!" Margot yelled excitedly, popping her head into the room with a few frat boys.

Whizzer excitedly stood up before being forcefully sat back down by Kate "Not for you! You can either got to a party or get into Harvard law!" 

One frat boy snickered. Whispering to the others

Whizzer pouted crossing his arms.

Kate slid a practice test to him. "Time to study! Go!" She yelled starting the timer.

"This years theme, Jamaican-me-crazy!" Margot reminded.

_"whatcha want you wanna be out because the sun she warm."_

A certain frat boys snickered words floated through Whizzers head.

_"Whatcha want you wanna be study stuck inside your dorm?"_

Whizzer tried to focus on his work.

_"whatcha want you wanna be partying with us all night long? What you want you wanna be strong?"_

**_"Be strong!"_ **

Whizzer reminded himself. He handed back the test to Kate

As Kate began grading his test, a grim look sprouted on her face. "One thirty four, not good enough. Try again. Go!" 

_"whatcha want you wanna be groovin' bumpin' shake da room?"_

_"Whatcha want you wanna be proving something and to whom?"_

_"Whatcha want you wanna be wonderin' where your youth is gone?"_

_"Whatcha want you wanna hold on?"_

**_"hold on!"_ **

"One fifty one, still not Harvard material. once again... Go!" Kate shouted.

 **"love, I'm doing this for love. And that's how I'll survive."** whizzed thought.

_"whatcha want you wanna be breathing in the healthy air? Whatcha want you wanna be chasing him and he dont care?"_

"There you go!" Whizzer said.

" _Whatcha want you wanna ignore the pity of their looks?"_

 **"I said no! Go away!"** whizzed yelled at the thoughts going through his head.

_"Whatcha want you wanna say 'sorry gotta hit the books!'?"_

**"Right here is where I'll stay."**

_"Whatcha want you wanna be sitting like a lonely child?"_

**"Until that happy day!"**

_"Whatcha want you wanna be driving all the fellas wild?"_

_"Whatcha want you wanna be feeling good to be alive?"_

**"That day when I hear them say..."**

"One seventy five!" Kate cheered holding up her paper.

Whizzer jumped up and embraced his friend. For without her it wouldn't have been possible. 

"One seventy five!"whizzer cheered. It was the best day of his life!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont wanna do online school. Btw if there are typos I'm too tired rn and I'll edit later,


	6. Ethnic MOVEMENT!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was realllllly hard to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K I'm tired

The Harvard admissions officers, Mr. Lowell and Mr.PforzHeimer, stood out side their office crowding around head Harvard officer Winthrop.

In Winthrop's wrinkled hands he held the stack of paper sent in by applying students.

Winthrop was a regal pristine man, with a fine mustache that sat on his face curling at the ends. Winthrop stroked said mustache in thought.

"So, Harvard Law grants admission to Adam Applebaum edSundeep Padamadan." Winthrop stated with fierce finality. Winthrop glanced at the two other men, looking for signs of objections.

Lowell, a stout firm man with large spectacles, nodded "Outstanding." He affirmed.

Winthrop grabbed the next paper, already looking at it curiously. "And now, Mr. Whizzer Brown. Who was kind enough to send in... a headshot." The usually austere man was quite puzzled.

"She has a 4.0 average?" PforzHeimer added desperately. 

"In _fashion merchandising."_ Winthrop hastily reminded. He was not one for silly pompous ideas.

Lowell spoke up "We should admit her... for reasons of... multiculturalism!" 

"Yes _multiculturalism!"_ Pforzheimer agreed with incredible haste.

Winthrop's mouth gaped open like a fish, he was scandalized. Those two usually pensive men, were now acting like foolish teens, homosexuals if you will. It left him reeling and slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh, but look at that, what a shame... he didnt bother sending in a personal essay." Winthrop stated, he words dripping with false pity.

Just as Winthrop was about to move on to their next application, they heard a shout.

"How's this for a personal essay?!" The shout was Pilars words, signaling a whole tsunami of people. Including what looked to be an entire highschool band, a whole group of cheerleaders, dancers, and girls in flashy costumes, and frat boys.

And then came _the singing,_ "What you want!" Was their sung chant.

"Goodness me!" Lowell shouted in surprise, and maybe fear.

"Security!" Winthrop cried, hoping someone should hear.

They continued singing regardless of their cries, "What you want is right in-" 

"Who are you?!" Winthrop asked furiously. 

Whizzer stepped up, wearing tiny sparkly shorts and matching top, you could see him from space.

"I'm, what you want! Harvard I'm the guy for you! And to prove it to you, We flew here on JetBlue!" Whizzer practically sang.

A JetBlue pilot stepped up saluting.

"Thank you!" The performers cried, saluting back.

"This what Whizzer Brown inspires! Everyone admires him! So Harvard should too!" They sang as they twirled, leaped, jumped, and cartwheeled.

Winthrop was thoroughly shaken, he took the handkerchief out of his breast pocket, and wiped his brow "This is _not_ a personal essay!" Winthrop protested.

"No!" The performers cried back in response, "An essays so boring and so much does not fit! So were appearing live right here making clear you must admit that Whizzer, Brown should join the chosen few! Harvard what you want is right in front of you!" 

It was a beautiful spectacle of dancing and choreography. It was all severely planned out to the last movement. The cheerleaders danced with the officers, twirling them and all.

They danced as the band played the exciting music, they cheered loudly. Hyping it up as much as they could. It was like Dreamgirls on steroids.

Winthrop was incredibly flustered, he grabbed his silver whistle from his pocket and blew as hard as he could. The shrill sound stopped everyone in their tracks.

"Now see here, Mr. Brown you cant just barge in here with singing and dancing, and _ethnic_ movement!.. this is a very flashy presentation but I still dont see one reason to admit you." Winthrop yelled harshly.

Whizzer looked down at the ground as he approached Winthrop.

"How about... love?" Whizzer looked Solomonly into Winthrop's eyes "You ever been in love? If you have you know, that love never accepts defeat. Theres no place it cannot go, dont say no to a boy who's in love! Dont think I'm naive...because even a smart person can listen to their heart...and believe!" Whizzer said earnestly.

"Believe in what love can achieve!" Whizzer cried, beckoning his posse.

"Do you believe?" They asked.

"I do!" PforzHeimer yelled raising his hand up.

"Do you believe?" They asked again, this time with more excitement.

Lowell shot his hand up "Me too!" 

"Yes we believe in love how 'bout you?" They group turned to Winthrop.

The tension sat for just a moment. Winthrop glanced at the crowd, who stared back at him, awaiting his final decision.

Winthrop threw up his hands. "Welcome to Harvard!" He yelled.

There was dancing and cheering and excitement in the air.

Whizzer hugged all three men, before hugging his sorority. They had done it! He was going to Harvard!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I'm trying to get stuff done before my online classes start. :p


	7. The Harvard variations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol this is garbage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sucks

Marvin wiped the sweat from his brow as he stood up, clad in his usual jumper and t-shirt he felt heavily underdressed in the presence of the new students. Said students, two boys and a girl, sat patiently on the bench looking up to Marvin as he faced them.

Marvin wiped his hands on his slacks. "Hello, I'm Marvin. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard law..."

Marvin swallowed, public speaking was never his forte. "So uh, I know first hand how hard you all worked to get here so, let's go around and share some things about our selves." Marvin said awkwardly, nodding to one boy.

The boy in question stood up, "Aaron Shultz. I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes, I became fabulously wealthy from writing financial software codes, but- alas spending my piles of money became extremely insipid, because really? How many yachts can one man own? Some say I'm a pompous creep? And somehow I dont loses that much sleep" Aaron laughed at his own joke "Harvards the perfect place for me."

He finished and Marvin was at the least unsettled by the boys outright forwardness "Well that's-"

The second boy cut him off quickly, standing up and beginning his spiel hastily. "Sundeep Agarawal Padamadan but you may call me _Your Majesty,_ " Padamadan said, a slight accent in his voice, "In my country I was a benevolent dictator, but then I flee because of stupid coup d'etat. But here I learn, until I return in bulletproof Mercedes Benz." 

Okay so now Marvin was definitely taken aback, "Pleased to-"

Yet again Marvin was cut off rudely by the last girl, "Charlotte Dubois!" She said confidently, "I did the peace corps overseas, building family clinics _by hand_ with mud and trees. I fought to clean up their lagoons and save their rare endangered loons, _plus_ I did a protest against insensitive cartoons!" Charlotte said, all in one breathe.

At this point Marvin was speechless. He made the wrong decision to open his mouth to speak when just then Charlotte continued her _rant_ of sorts.

"But Harvard Law needs me more because this country is in ruins and only women have the guts to take it back, and we need more women fighting against the oppressive patriarchy-" 

Mid way through Charlotte's second rant, Whizzer waltzed over. Dressed in a pink polo shirt with all the button undone and skinny Jean's, and of course with bruiser.

Whizzer hadn't even noticed Marvin who looked awestruck at the boy before him.

"How psyched are you guys? First day of Haravrd law! I'm Whizzer Brown, and this is Bruiser Brown." Whizzer said excitedly only to be met with awkward silence.

Charlotte stuck out her hand, "Charlotte." She said grudgingly. 

No one else dared to say anything. So naturally Marvin stepped up, immediately noticing the extreme height difference, Whizzer had atleast a foot on Marvin. "Welcome to Harvard, Whizzer." 

Whizzer glanced at him, before immediately doing a double take. Blue eyes met brown ones. 

Marvins blues were the clearest Whizzer had ever seen.

Whizzers brown ones had the richest and somehow intoxicating shade of chocolate brown.

Both of them were absolutely fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted in a while. I had alot of school work and I sort of lost motivation for this, hence why it's such a bad chapter. Sorry. (Also I may or may not have been watching glee instead of doing work so-) also bc of the lack of characters in falsettos some of this gonna be reaall weird.


	8. A Gemini With a Double Capricorn Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is exactly 2 days late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just sorry at this point

Marvin gaped at whizzer, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. The poor boy was absolutely at a complete loss for words.

"Uh, well, I'm Marvin, we were just going around the room...w-why don’t you share something about yourself...?" Marvin stuttered out.

Whizzer smiled cheekily at Marvin, "Me? well, I'm a Gemini with a double Capricorn moon and I have a Bachelor's degree in fashion merchandising, and I was the president of the Delta Nu sorority. I also founded the charity, Shop for a Cause." Whizzer practically beamed.

Marvin nodded, an incredulous look painted on his features.

"Where do I find Criminal Law, with professor Callahan?" Whizzer asked.

"Oh uh, were all headed there! I'm sure someone would be happy to show you where-" Marvin paused as he realised the grouping of students had very quickly dispersed. 

Marvin sighed, "Its in Houser, down the hall, on the left." 

"Thank you Marvie!" Whizzer chirped.

Marvin chuckled awkwardly. Never in his life had he seen anyone so... so _flamboyant,_ In Harvard Law school no less. He started at Whizzer taking in the strange yet beautiful, boy before him

At Marvin's feet little Bruiser had begun nipping at his jeans, breaking him from his trance. "Oh, uh... I don't think dogs are allowed in class."

"Ha, Bruisers not a dog! Bruiser is family." Whizzer stated.

"Though..he'd probably be happier in the dorm..." Whizzer shrugged.

"Whizzer?!" exclaimed a voice, from behind Whizzer.

Whizzer turned knowing exactly who it was, "Mendel? Oh! I totally forgot you go here!" Whizzer looked curiously at the girl trailing behind him in the most horrible ensemble of clothing he could imagine.

Mendel looked down right flabbergasted, "What are _you_ doing here?" Mendel asked accusingly.

"I go here!" Whizzer smiled with an absolutely shit eating grin.

" _You_ go to Harvard Law?" Mendel asked, scandalized.

"What? Like it's hard?" Whizzer, bless his privileged heart, asked.

Marvin snorted at Whizzer's ignorant smirk, causing said boy to turn and look at him. Marvin fumbled for Whizzer's papers, messily handing it to him.

"This is yours, I think. Brown comma, Whizzer." Marvin said.

Whizzer took them staring at them curiously, "So... is this my social agenda?"

Marvin once again, snorted ( thankfully slightly more discretely). "No, it's your academic roster."

Whizzer had no fleeting idea of what that was. "Right. that." he said, trying to nod convincingly. 

Turning back to Mendel Whizzer smirked as sweetly as he possibly could, "We should totally catch up after class!"

As Whizzer hurried away Marvin approached Mendel, "Who is he?" Marvin asked tentatively.

Mendel rubbed his brow, "My ex..." he sighed.

That, made more sense.

Whizzer sat down in the first desk in the front row, pulling out a pink notebook. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his pink shirt as seductively as he could, hoping a certain someone would see him.

The girl from earlier walked up, looking Whizzer up and down. "All the pink your wearing... is it even legal?"

Whizzer smirked at the girl, "Pinks my signature color."

The girl nodded, "I gathered..." she muttered.

Marvin cleared his throat, "So Callahan should be coming soon. Three years ago I was in the same place you are now, and I heard the same rumor you probably did, 'Callahan's ruthless' or 'he bathes in the blood of sheep' but what your really need to know is-"

"-You have a right to remain silent." 

Marvin tensed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> corona can suck a toe. I forced my friend to watch falsettos with me over face time and now shes obsessed. Have I created a monster? was that the right choice? (we are watching it AGAIN @ 8)
> 
> mendel is going to make me tear out my hair. 
> 
> Callahan SUCKS what an asshole.


	9. Your Bloods In the Water.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so whizzer gets kicked out of class. and marvins sorry. also marvins not so much of jerk
> 
> yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case of smoke please call my mother on the phone and say your son is on fire. please and thank you.

"You have the right to remain silent." The cold voice rang out. 

"Anything you say, will be used against you." Callahan declared, the law students sat up significantly straighter.

Callahan cleared his throat. "When you chose a career in law, you're bound to hear that "a lawyer is a _shark._ " Ignore that. It's simplistic and stupid. Only some of you will turn out sharks." Callahan turned to Whizzer's side of the class, "The rest of you... are chum."he pointedly stared at Whizzer.

Callahan continued his lecture, "My topic is _blood_ in the water. It is about time you realize that being here, and taking my class, is an utter waste... unless you acquire a taste for blood in the water. You are _nothing_ until you've gotten blood in the water." 

The students hurriedly scribbled notes down as Callahan beckoned Marvin over. Said boy approached Callahan with the student roster in hand. Callahan scanned it for no longer than a second before calling out a name.

"Mister... Schultz, hypothetical question. Would you defend the following case of banker accused of fraud? An elderly woman entrusted her savings off to your client, every last penny she had. He promised to invest it, but he spent it. On drugs, prostitutes and porn." Callahan looked pointedly at Schultz.

The boy in question smirked, crossing his arms over his chest "No!" he laughed, "I'm not taking that case." 

"Wrong. This one is a win! unless you're lazy." Callahan exclaimed. "Blame it all on Alzheimer's! Use her age to your will, and your guy is free, you get paid, and even get laid." Some students were slightly aghast at such a recommendation, but nodded along anyway.

"You see, only _spineless_ snobs would refuse the more dubious jobs." Callahan beckoned Marvin over once more, glancing down the roster. 

"Miss Du Bois, Would you be the right lawyer for the following client? They offer you good money for defending, a famous hit-man for the Mafia. He missed his target, shot a nun and drove away. Running over three cute puppies in the street?" 

Charlotte Du Bois barely bat an eye at the question; "Sure. I mean, he's just being a _typical_ man." Charlotte laughed at her own joke, and so did the students next to her.

Callahan laughed shortly before turning and saying "Lesbians think they are so tough."

Charlotte stood up in offense, attempting to say something back.

"I fear my comment has offended? It's a shame, it is rather difficult to argue when you're too mad to speak." Callahan said condescendingly. 

Charlotte sank down into her seat.

"So whats my point, you ask? Well I'll tell you, From this class I will hire four young sharks to work at my billion dollar law firm. As intern for me. Virtually guaranteeing you a career. Granted you survive." Callahan paused, for dramatic effect.

"So I want to see, _what?_ " he asked, gesturing for the class to answer.

"Blood in the water." Came the response.

"Exactly." Callahan replied as he turned he noticed Whizzer's hand was raised. 

"Mister...?"

"Brown. Whizzer Brown." 

Mendel rolled his eyes at the James Bond style introduction. 

"Someones had their morning coffee." Callahan muttered, "Summarize the case of Indiana V. Hearne from your assigned reading."

Whizzer panicked for a second, "I wanted to ask about the puppy question?"

"I asked you about the assigned reading." Callahan stated.

"Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class?" Whizzer's juvenile views caused few to laugh, and many to flinch.

Callahan turned slowly to Whizzer. "You have guts. _Mr. Brown."_

Callahan grabbed the roster form Marvin, Glancing at it before looking up, "Miss, Trina Aarons?" 

"Yes?" Trina responded.

"Let us say, you teach a class at Harvard law school. And a boy, on whom you call hasn't read the case at all. Should you let it go or-"

"No." Trina looked between Whizzer and Mendel, "I'd throw him out."

"Alright. You heard your classmate. You were just killed. Yes, You have guts but now their spilled! Your bloods in the water."

Whizzer picked up his belongings, looking offended. 

"And if you return, be ready to learn! Or is that unfair? Oh wait, I don't care!" Callahan shouted.

Callahan pushed him out the door, and went to shut it.

The last thing Whizzer saw was Marvin's pitying look, before the door slammed shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so yeah thats whats up. Callahan is a fun character to write tbh.


	10. Honorary Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for whatever reason its 4/20 and im not celebrating?

Marvin snuck out the lecture hall door, going after Whizzer. 

Marvin caught up to the boy and tapped on his shoulder "Hey, uh Whizzer right? Listen I was kicked out of class once first year too. It's _awful_ but trust me; your law career is far from over-"

it really was a common occurrence for poor Marvin to get cut off mid sentence these days, as Whizzer hurriedly announced "My law career is the last thing at stake right now. I _need_ to get back in class with Mendel Weisenbachfeld. Can you help me?"

Marvin was stunned and maybe a little concerned "Sure? Come back tomorrow, just make sure you've done the assigned reading." 

Whizzer nodded looking at Marvin earnestly, before his brown eyes were lead away by Trina walking out of the lecture hall. 

"Why would you do that to an honorary girl?" Whizzer boldly asked her.

Trina looked confused, " _Honorary girl-?_ " 

Marvin ran a hand down his face, looking at the sky.

"We have to stick together! We can't try to look good by making each other look bad." Whizzer stated matter of fact.

"I didn't _make_ you look bad, you just weren't prepared. Maybe you should try opening a law book." Trina advanced toward him "Though I should warn you, they don't come with _pictures._ "

Marvin sensed the tension and the last thing he wanted was conflict, "So im just gonna leave you two alone..." he slinked back into the lecture hall.

Trina turned back to Whizzer "Aren't girls going wild somewhere-"

"Malibu." Whizzer cynically corrected.

Trina rolled her eyes, "Right, aren't girls going wild in _Malibu_ without you?"

Whizzer narrowed his eyes at her "Well I'll have you know Miss-"

Mendel walked through the door waving to Trina "Hey-"

"Mendel thank _god_ you're here!" Whizzer yelled, running over to the boy.

Mendel was absolutely stunned, "Whizzer! I- I'm sorry."

Trina grabbed Mendel's hand, "Mendel, is there something you want to share with Whizzer." Her voice was laced with malice.

"You know this girl?" Whizzer asked disgustedly. Whizzer glanced at Trina's clothing, it wasn't horrendous but by god Whizzer would not be caught dead anywhere near her outfit.

"Yeah... Me and Trina went to boarding school together. She's my girlfriend." Mendel said.

Whizzer's mind went blank. "Sorry, come again?"

"He said _I'm_ his girlfriend." Trina answered for him.

Whizzer felt like he was going to throw up. "Girlfriend? I thought you were gay?!"

**_It felt like time stood still when Whizzer saw all of his fellow Delta Nu's standing in front of him, clad in shiny white outfits._ **

**_"What the hell... ?" Whizzer muttered._ **

**_"Honey, this is a tragedy and every tragedy needs a Greek Chorus!" Serena yelled._ **

**_"Oh thank god you're here!" Whizzer sighed._ **

**_"We're here to help!" Margot commented._ **

**_"But we're not actually here here. We're in your head!" Serena added._ **

**_'Well then.' Whizzer thought._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i picture Marvin as the scrawny young Christian Borle idkk its hilarious tho and whizzer just looks the same because my dude doesn't even age. 
> 
> im tired. 
> 
> btw I have been struggling to watch glee wtf even is that someone help im scared,


	11. Shake Your Junk!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ah fuck I cant believe i have done this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back bitches.

It was as if the whole world had stopped expect Whizzer and his Greek chorus

Serena sported a pitying look. "Whiz, don't cry you're not losing him to her!" Serena patted his soldier. "I mean look at her shoes!  _ Loafers?  _ And her hair, god! You don't have to worry about her!"

Margot stepped up, a hopeful look plastered on her sweet features, "Yeah I mean, you were practically born to wear his ring!"

"I know exactly what you need to do!" Pilar cheered, "You need to be positive!"

The girls cheered, and a smile spread across Whizzer's face.

"Be positive while you slap that bitch to the floor!" Margot yelled.

Whizzer's eyes widened at the suggestions.

"Yeah! You’ll pull her hair and call her a whore!" Serena clapped her hands together.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" They cheered. Their peppy-ness got to Whizzer as they danced around him in his head.

"He's gonna come crawling back in seconds!" Margot happily yelled. 

"So kill her!" Pilar shouted.

"Take her out!" 

"Eat her heart!"

"Get your  _ gory _ Revenge!" 

Whizzer cringed at the gruesome suggestions.

"Calm down! Violence is never the answer. We snap it out, but this calls for more than snaps. Plus that girl could stab me with the stick that's up her ass. We need a plan b." Whizzer scolded.

"I have one! Just look at her, she's like a Nun! You are ten times hotter than that! All you gotta do is bust out a lap dance or two and you've got him eating out of your hand!" Pilar suggested.

Whizzer glanced at the frozen forms of Mendel and Trina.  _ 'she really is like a Nun.' _ he thought.

"You gotta let out your inner freak whiz! Show him exactly what he's missing." Margot exclaimed. Suggestively swiveling her hips

The figments cheered in unanimous agreement. Whizzer on the other hand stared at the so-called couple in front of him. “I'm gonna be sick.” He said out loud.

Trina seemed to magically unfreeze as Whizzer was back from his short lived state of nirvana. “Oh really? Well, I’ll be seeing you. Let’s go Mendel.” Trina said politely as she linked arms with Mendel and walked away.

Whizzer huffed, his imaginary Greek Chorus appearing before his eyes once more.

Pilar snapped in his face to get his attention, “Whizzer. Look at me. You know for a fact that boy loves you, not Trina. It’s basic human knowledge.”

Margot nodded earnestly, “Yeah! Could she talk Beyonce out of buying a hideous cable knit tube top? I think the fuck not.” 

Serena joined the two with her own quip, “You’re so much smarter than her! You have the perfect amount of brains and booty!”

“Did you seriously just say  _ booty _ ? What are you four?” Pilar commented, “You’ve gotta show him your spectacular ass!” 

“Exactly!” Margot clapped each syllable, “Do you think Trina can throw it back like at all? That girl is flatter than Florida!” 

Whizzer laughed at the ridiculous comment, before pausing realizing what was going on. “Guys, these are really great ideas but, I think we’ve gone too far. I mean, this is Harvard not a damn stripper bar! I have a much better idea, while I like my hair the way it is, maybe I should get it cut and dye it black?” 

Serena gasped loudly, looking pale. Or as pale as someone's hallucinations can be. Regardless, Whizzer's once un-bothered collected Greek Chorus now looked either sick or disturbed.

“I mean, what did having pretty, fluffy, and all around great hair ever get me?” Whizzer reasoned.

“Modeling jobs..?” Margot said meekly, Pilar elbowed her in the ribs.

“If Mendel thinks I'm more serious he will see that I have so much more to bring to the table!” Whizzer pointed out.

The girls collectively shrugged, no one was quite ecstatic over the planned change.

"Well then its settled! I schedule an appointment for tomorrow!"

_God save that boys hair._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at that! chapter 11 if any is reading this. don't expect regular updates, this was in my drafts for a while so i decided to finally finish it and post it.
> 
> if you're reading this im sorry this is so bad, I lost interest in the story line but I got some motivation to continue because i wanna write a cute ending so ima suffer for this slow burn shit.
> 
> I also wanna say, ELLE WOODS SAYS BLACK LIVES MATTER the queen has spoken no one can disagree or contradict.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay please tell me if you like it. I have like 3 chapters done already.


End file.
